Crazies

You can tell that the weather is getting nicer, because people are, to put it bluntly, Batshit Crazy. More so than usual.

I spent a good portion of my 6 hour day explaining that we carry no less than 3 brands of dirt, each of those brands offers at least 3 sizes of bags, and that each brand and size has no less than 5 formulas of dirt.

Yes, dirt.

It also seemed beyond comprehension for these idiots that, yes, we do actually HAVE the dirt, and the dirt's placement within our realm of reality requires that you actually open your eyes and pay attention to your surroundings. It also means that unless YOU, the customer, have a minimum of a clue as to what you need, I, the cashier, am not going to be able to do your thinking for you.

Even though I am quite fantastic and wonderful, I am not psychic, and will not be able to do your thinking for you.

The kicker yesterday, though, wasn't about dirt. It's about out-and-out stupidity.

Imagine, if you will, a man walking into the garden center--full of brilliantly colored plant life, and asking for, of all things, "Fake Grass."

Imagine my innumerable responses.

In the end, I did not direct him to our "Fake Garden Center" and I did not punish our competitors by directing him to them--though, I wish I had, because I firmly believe that if you're stupid enough to come into a place where even it's name suggests LIVE plantsand ask for "fake" anything, you deserve to be sent on a snipe hunt. I sent him to the flooring department, where, I assume, he asked for paint or plywood.

Where do they find them, and why do they keep sending them to me?