Is this a man thing or what? Oops! Sorry, I don't mean "man" thing, I mean "older boy who managed to get this job" thing.
There's a whole passel of 'em that when I ask a "yes" or "no" question, I get told a lot of other things--but they can't say, "Yes" or "No" It's like no one ever taught them those words.
And I love when I ask them to actually do something, they ask me "why?" Or when I tell them I have a customer that is asking for help loading something, these pukes don't respond, they just stay on the phone, breathing. I have to actually say, "Can YOU do this?" because I often call them and tell them unrelated tidbits for no discernable reason.
Really? REALLY!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
The Good: It's July, and I'm still outside. Also, even though they're total fuckwits about scheduling (I requested Wed-Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun off; was schedule Fri. Asked about it, was taken off the Fri schedule....but still put on the Sat schedule. Fuckwittage at it's finest) and I'm working Fri-Sat, My Sweetie will leave sometime on Friday to take the Howler to Grandma's house to spend the week. That means that I have my own Mini-Vacation. And that means beer. And maybe a girls' night out. But I definitely have beer in my near future.
The Bad: I'll miss them terribly. But I'll have beer to console myself. I'll manage. Also, there's a Howler free week, which means that I will not have to use "that voice" (I hate "that voice") I will also have a week in which I will not channel the Gator. YAY!
The Ugly: It's July, and while I'm still in the garden center, it was pretty hot out there yesterday. And getting stupid, and feeling sick in the heat? Yeah, well, there's more fuckwittage here, too. Yesterday it was 85F at 10am. I told them that while the breakboard had my afternoon break at 1:30pm, that wasn't going to work because I went to lunch from 10-11. Even with breaks ALWAYS running late, 2.5 hours in that kind of heat with out a break--even if you do provide cold water with ice in it--isn't going to work. They needed to schedule a heat break in there--and if they needed to, move the break they already had scheduled.
What did they do? They didn't even bother to try to find coverage for me until after 12:30pm. At 12:40pm, I called, because, remarkably enough, I was getting stupid and feeling sick. I tell the first fuckwit...he says, "I'm trying to find you coverage now." So I tell him that I'm already feeling sick. Their solution? Call me back and tell me that I can come inside to run register, instead.
Listen Up Fuckwits! It's ALMOST as hot standing on the front end in July. And since we're not allowed to have anything to drink while on the front line, this is NOT a solution. You're basically telling me that, since I'm already into feeling sick from the heat, you'll let me move inside to where it's only marginally cooler, and not let me have anything to drink, too. That makes a whole lot of sense: I can vomit or pass out where you can see me, instead of out here by myself. Either way, you're going to ride my ass and give me hell, so yeah, baby. Sign me up for that gig.
After finally deciding to allow me to go inside and SIT and COOL DOWN, I go back outside. The fuckwit cow calls and tells me that I'm going to go inside anyway. Uh, NO, I'm not. Why should I be punished for this?
They then sent someone out to "check" on me (day late and dollar short, fuckwits) and she tells me to "take it easy" and sit. Yeah, like I'm going to sit at this point. I hear every week how I'm not allowed to sit unless I have a doc's excuse, and now, suddenly, I'll be "forgiven" if I sit? Do I look stupid to you? Really?
I told her that "no, I'm not taking that chance. They can't just give me a heat break when I ask for it, I'm not counting on their forgiveness if I sit. I'll just stay out here, standing, sweeping, whatever, and they can figure out what's right and fair when I keel over--because I will NOT be asking for heat break EVER again. They can write me up and fire me for not helping customers after I'm dead from the heat."
Fuckwits.
(and thanks, Blue, for the title)
The Bad: I'll miss them terribly. But I'll have beer to console myself. I'll manage. Also, there's a Howler free week, which means that I will not have to use "that voice" (I hate "that voice") I will also have a week in which I will not channel the Gator. YAY!
The Ugly: It's July, and while I'm still in the garden center, it was pretty hot out there yesterday. And getting stupid, and feeling sick in the heat? Yeah, well, there's more fuckwittage here, too. Yesterday it was 85F at 10am. I told them that while the breakboard had my afternoon break at 1:30pm, that wasn't going to work because I went to lunch from 10-11. Even with breaks ALWAYS running late, 2.5 hours in that kind of heat with out a break--even if you do provide cold water with ice in it--isn't going to work. They needed to schedule a heat break in there--and if they needed to, move the break they already had scheduled.
What did they do? They didn't even bother to try to find coverage for me until after 12:30pm. At 12:40pm, I called, because, remarkably enough, I was getting stupid and feeling sick. I tell the first fuckwit...he says, "I'm trying to find you coverage now." So I tell him that I'm already feeling sick. Their solution? Call me back and tell me that I can come inside to run register, instead.
Listen Up Fuckwits! It's ALMOST as hot standing on the front end in July. And since we're not allowed to have anything to drink while on the front line, this is NOT a solution. You're basically telling me that, since I'm already into feeling sick from the heat, you'll let me move inside to where it's only marginally cooler, and not let me have anything to drink, too. That makes a whole lot of sense: I can vomit or pass out where you can see me, instead of out here by myself. Either way, you're going to ride my ass and give me hell, so yeah, baby. Sign me up for that gig.
After finally deciding to allow me to go inside and SIT and COOL DOWN, I go back outside. The fuckwit cow calls and tells me that I'm going to go inside anyway. Uh, NO, I'm not. Why should I be punished for this?
They then sent someone out to "check" on me (day late and dollar short, fuckwits) and she tells me to "take it easy" and sit. Yeah, like I'm going to sit at this point. I hear every week how I'm not allowed to sit unless I have a doc's excuse, and now, suddenly, I'll be "forgiven" if I sit? Do I look stupid to you? Really?
I told her that "no, I'm not taking that chance. They can't just give me a heat break when I ask for it, I'm not counting on their forgiveness if I sit. I'll just stay out here, standing, sweeping, whatever, and they can figure out what's right and fair when I keel over--because I will NOT be asking for heat break EVER again. They can write me up and fire me for not helping customers after I'm dead from the heat."
Fuckwits.
(and thanks, Blue, for the title)
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Are You High?
You're not high...just remarkably stupid. Oh, sorry about your luck.
Friday and Saturday, every customer acted drunk. Saturday, one woman was visibly wobbly. But she wasn't Customer of the Week.
Friday and Saturday, the woman with her glasses all askew was in, asking exactly the same questions both days. It was really difficult to not say, "Same place I told you it was yesterday." And she wasn't Customer of the Week either.
The Customer of the Week was the woman who approached me, leaned forward and asked in a conspiratorial tone, "How much are your $12.98 plants?"
The full conversation continued: "The $12.98 plants?"
CotW: "Yes. The plants for $12.98."
Mumple: "Why, they're................................$12.98."
Friday and Saturday, every customer acted drunk. Saturday, one woman was visibly wobbly. But she wasn't Customer of the Week.
Friday and Saturday, the woman with her glasses all askew was in, asking exactly the same questions both days. It was really difficult to not say, "Same place I told you it was yesterday." And she wasn't Customer of the Week either.
The Customer of the Week was the woman who approached me, leaned forward and asked in a conspiratorial tone, "How much are your $12.98 plants?"
The full conversation continued: "The $12.98 plants?"
CotW: "Yes. The plants for $12.98."
Mumple: "Why, they're................................$12.98."
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
More Turnip
So, the Turnip seems to be my albatross. God, he's fabulous. Here's why:
At the beginning of the season, none of the newbies would ask me anything. Because I'm not management of any kind (although, in all fairness, I am too fabulous to be one) I therefore could not possibly know anything of any importance.
Remembering that management had a cashier who had been employed with us for all of 3 months doing their actual register training, this is phenomenal--I mean, REALLY? This newbie savant is there 3 months and she's doing the hands-on training, and I've been there 11 years and I know nothing? Classic. But I digress.
The Turnip has managed to grasp the basic concept that I know more than he does (this couldn't have been that difficult, considering that he is the Turnip.) Anyway, a cusotmer approaches him and asks a question. He tells the customer to stand in my line and wait for ME to answer it. The question was something that could easily have been discovered by picking up the phone and asking whoever answered the phone--he could have chosen between two departments, too. The options for getting the customer an answer were endless.
But the customer had to wait for me in order to get that answer. And they keep sending this genius outside with me. I never should have complained about the ones who are afraid of the phone, register, and customers.
Kill me now.
At the beginning of the season, none of the newbies would ask me anything. Because I'm not management of any kind (although, in all fairness, I am too fabulous to be one) I therefore could not possibly know anything of any importance.
Remembering that management had a cashier who had been employed with us for all of 3 months doing their actual register training, this is phenomenal--I mean, REALLY? This newbie savant is there 3 months and she's doing the hands-on training, and I've been there 11 years and I know nothing? Classic. But I digress.
The Turnip has managed to grasp the basic concept that I know more than he does (this couldn't have been that difficult, considering that he is the Turnip.) Anyway, a cusotmer approaches him and asks a question. He tells the customer to stand in my line and wait for ME to answer it. The question was something that could easily have been discovered by picking up the phone and asking whoever answered the phone--he could have chosen between two departments, too. The options for getting the customer an answer were endless.
But the customer had to wait for me in order to get that answer. And they keep sending this genius outside with me. I never should have complained about the ones who are afraid of the phone, register, and customers.
Kill me now.
Sunday, July 03, 2011
Stupid Guy Says
Last night, I had the pleasure of working near the Turnip. It was good value because of this:
Customer approaches Turnip and says, "Do you have tomato stakes?"
Turnip says, "Tomato stakes?"
Customer says, "Toe-May-Toe Sssssstakes."
Turnip says, " "
Customer says, "You know, pieces of wood you put in the ground and use to keep your tomato plants upright?!!!!!"
Turnip says, " "
Mumple says, "yessir, they're right over here." and gets the customer what he needs.
Turnip says, " "
This is the generation that will be running the world soon....I am very very afraid.
Customer approaches Turnip and says, "Do you have tomato stakes?"
Turnip says, "Tomato stakes?"
Customer says, "Toe-May-Toe Sssssstakes."
Turnip says, " "
Customer says, "You know, pieces of wood you put in the ground and use to keep your tomato plants upright?!!!!!"
Turnip says, " "
Mumple says, "yessir, they're right over here." and gets the customer what he needs.
Turnip says, " "
This is the generation that will be running the world soon....I am very very afraid.
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