Beam Me Up, Scotty

As we all know, I meet up with some truly reality challenged individuals at work.

Yesterday, I had the Christmas season's doosy! She's getting an award and going down in the annals of my Flypaper for Freaks experiences.

First, she wants me to cut the wreaths down that are on the gate to catch your attention. She refuses to believe me when I tell her we have those SAME wreaths INSIDE the gate, on a table, just a-waitin' for her to buy 'em. I have to practically dangle a martini in front of her to get her to walk over that way.

When she finally makes it back to the register, she says, "Wow. I don't envy you, working out here."

I tell her my standard, "I volunteer for this."

Her eyes fly wide open, and she leans forward and says, "You mean they don't even PAY you to be out here?"

Now, remembering that it's winter, and I'm wearing copious amounts of flourescent orange (and have been asked, "are you seeing many deer out here" tee hee eye roll) and the temps are hovering around 26 degrees, and it is RETAIL, this is absolutely one of the frootloopiest questions anyone could ask me.

It takes all my willpower to answer, "Oh, I am an employee. I just like being out here, and so they let me be."

"Oh! That's better, then."

What I wanted to say is, "No, lady, I LIKE to wear this gawd-awful outfit, sit out in the cold weather, and deal with nutbars like YOU. I pay THEM for this."

I think this qualifies for the "Beam Me Up Scotty, There's No Intelligent Life Here Award"