Random

I don't twit, so these have to be saved up and stuffed together in a rant that encompasses this entire summer:

~ Guy who wanted "Regluuuurrrrrr Miracle Gro" I walked him to it, explained that this is it, and he just shouted "REGLUUUUURRRRRR" over and over. His supervision, aka wife, walked up, took the large box from me carefully, said, "This is exactly what we needed! Thank you!" took him by the leash and walked away.

~ Woman who comes in EVERY July and asks for "Mir-Acid" Every July, we explain that it's called "Miracle Gro for Acid Loving Plants" and every year she buys some. I strongly suspect that when she dies, her executor will find a room in her house just crammed with unopened boxes of the stuff.

~ Hundreds of morons, idiots, and the occasional fuckwit who come in on bright sunny days, and use credit cards to pay. They know the screen can't be seen, because every person in front of them in line has said the same thing they are now saying, "I CAN'T SEE THIS SCREEN!" while refusing to follow the simple directions I give them, and/or figure out what the arrows drawn on the outside of the screen mean. I especially have enjoyed watching these people tap the obviously hand drawn arrows, and exclaim, "I don't think it's working!" and I have reserved a special spot in the crack of my ass for the hundreds who have wasted my time and theirs stating, "You need a new machine." I don't need a new machine, you need to shut your piehole, follow the directions I'm giving you, and try to be smarter than the object you're working with.

~ Woman wandering through the flooring department, looking for garden stepping stones. She's probably married to the idiot who wanted to find fake grass in the garden center last year.

~ Any person currently looking for gardenias. It's a spring bloomer, and it's not a perennial in our zone. We don't have 'em, and I don't care if your "husband said he saw them here." Toots, he saw them here in MAY. This is now August. Do the math. BTW, this isn't Florida, so I don't care how well hibiscus "winter over" there.

~ Every old biddy who asks, "is this on special?" when they stood by the fence and watched us unload it from the truck.

~ The OF who comes in once a week since the end of June and demands to know what we think we're doing still having plants to sell. Same OF (they all look alike, honest!) who wanders around, comes back, and tells me that no one is going to buy trees, perennials, and shrubs.

~ Woman who came in screaming that she needed clematis bulbs. I asked her for clarification, 'cuz I know that clematis do not grow from bulbs. She continued to shriek at me that "oh, yes, they do" and demanded to know where she was gonna find 'em. She's gonna find 'em NO PLACE, and I hope she loses her voice, shrieking like that.

~People who come in and buy only the clearance plants, but can't retain the idea that we manually change the price. If you're hear every freaking day, and we have the same freaking conversation every freaking day, and you can't remember it, TAKE NOTES, refer to them often. I work retail, not child care, and if I wanted to have to repeat myself incessantly to the same people all day every day, I'd stay home with my own children.

~If you bring your ADHD 7 year old out into public, at least respond to the kid every 15billionth time he says, "Hey dad, look at this" Seriously.

~ The fruity little guy who brought his ever-so-special flower to the wrong register, stood there for a full 10 minutes watching me ring out about 8 customers, waited until the line backed up again, then came over, weaving his way through the line while toting his special flower in a swishy, swinging way to come behind my register, lean over my shoulder to say (no, not whisper) "I'm gonna leave this right here with you" depositing his special flower immediately behind me needs to get over himself. Move your special flower out of my way, and back the fuck up.

And finally, I do so appreciate the "No Shirt, No Service" rule we have these days. I spent 15 minutes early one morning, watching as a van pulled up the entrance, and a fat man gets out. Then waits for him to peel off his shirt, and turn it right-side out, put it back on, before parking. I am ever so glad I got new glasses so I can see.