Jokers Wild

I tell a lot of stories about work. Some of them about the weirdness that seems to find me no matter where I go, and some of them just ranting.

This time, I'm gonna tell you a story about a funny little Gnome.

Let me say in my defense, anyone who thinks I'm mean for picking on the short guy at work just hasn't been paying attention. Said Gnome makes jokes at my expense all the time, so anything I can do to repay the favor is only fair.

Even he thinks it's funny when Frodo gets a phone message from Ron Popeil about his late shipment of spray-on hair. And the back hair jokes slay 'em in the aisles. But the Gnome, well, he usually thinks faster than I do, and one-ups me.

A few weeks ago, My Sweetie and I were in to look at flooring for the bathroom. The Gnome says "hello" and then asks me what the weather's like outside. I answer honestly--it's sunny and nice out. "It's not windy or anything?" No, it's not, you weirdo.

"Oh, so there's no chance of a house falling on you then, is there?"

A day or so later, we continue that conversation: They're hosing down the floor in the garden center, and I'm getting spritzed no matter where I move to. I call him, knowing he'll laugh his funny little gnomish head off over it, and tell him, "They're hosing the floor out here. I'm getting wet."

"Okay. And....?"

"I could melt!"

He turns around and sends someone else out on the next dampish day to ask if I'm okay...it's wet out here, and blah blah blah.

Ah, yes. A funny funny little gnome. I can't wait to see his reaction to what I've currently got planned.