Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
DUH
Thursday night at supper, the Howler was telling us about the test she took that day.
Now, keeping in mind that the Howler could work for the CIA, and ANYTHING she tells us about her school day is a good thing, her mother innocently asked, "And what was the test on?"
"On a piece of paper."
*sigh* I should've just agreed to wear the kick me sign.
Now, keeping in mind that the Howler could work for the CIA, and ANYTHING she tells us about her school day is a good thing, her mother innocently asked, "And what was the test on?"
"On a piece of paper."
*sigh* I should've just agreed to wear the kick me sign.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
One Last Rant
I had typed out this wonderfully cathartic post about the Toad at the other blog.
It jammed, and I lost it.
Dammit! I guess this means I go to 11.
It jammed, and I lost it.
Dammit! I guess this means I go to 11.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Unconnected Rants
1. Today, the trip through McDonald's drive thru lasted almost 20 minutes. Not because it was lunch time. Why did it take so long? Because, apparently, there are scant few in this area who realize that not only does "Drive Thru" imply a shorter stop, but because so many don't understand that: IT'S FREAKING MCDONALDS! IT'S A HEART ATTACK IN A WAX PAPER WRAPPER! Just order already! Geez.
2. People with no sense and no money: There's very little in life that's actually *free*. Especially if you have some bizarro request for something unrealistic. Buy a freaking tarp, and stop begging for garbage. Weirdo.
3. People with more money than sense: Wobbly snowman candles will bung up their own noses if you insist on putting them in separate bags. For one thing, they're wobbly. For the second, paying almost $10 for a CANDLE, even if it's covered in cheap glitter, just make it preciously stupid of you.
4. People with no sense at all: Instead of arguing with me why you want something that you're already admitting won't work, why not take what I offer? (This is in reference to the idiot who wanted red warning flags to set his wet potted flowers on. I actually had to convince him that I had sheets of plastic--for FREE--that would work better. And then, I had to give him a visually aided lesson on how to use the plastic sheet. Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick!)
5. Spiders. Wasps. Dead wasps that crunch underfoot. Spiders crawling on me.
6. It's easier to read if you're actually LOOKING AT THE thing you're supposed to be reading. It's not your eyesight, toots, it's YOU.
7. People who use the phrase "Hey, no biggie" for any reason at all. Who talks like that? Who writes letters to people they don't know using that? Who?
8. The guy who comes in again tonight and asks if we sell hay. He comes in once a week and asks, buys a few bales (I do NOT want to know what he does with it), and then comes back next week and asks again. He always seems so confused about it all. I always have to practically draw him a map to where he's going to go to pick up the straw.
9. The guy who drags a 20lb cement retaining wall block up to the register and asks, "What is this bump here for?" And even after I show him, he still needs to be convinced that it's the best way to use the blocks. Seriously, there are people who should not be allowed to buy some things.
This guy, however, is better than the fucknut who comes in every 6 weeks and bitches that the blocks aren't all the same color. He says his wall "looks stupid". He also seems to think that WE make the stuff, and have been changing the tan coloring on him--just to ruin his wall for him. They also seem to think that they should be able to pay April's prices in August. I wonder if he goes through McDonald's drive thru and tells them off because he bought a Happy Meal for $2.99 a few months ago. Him and his badly bleached blonde wife, in her 1982 striped body suit are probably the reason I spent 20 minutes there earlier today.
10. People who not only cannot follow simple directions, but who also insist, without going there (away from me) and seeing for themselves that I'm actually RIGHT, that it's not there. It's there fucktard, you're just too stupid to own it, so we hid it until you leave.
2. People with no sense and no money: There's very little in life that's actually *free*. Especially if you have some bizarro request for something unrealistic. Buy a freaking tarp, and stop begging for garbage. Weirdo.
3. People with more money than sense: Wobbly snowman candles will bung up their own noses if you insist on putting them in separate bags. For one thing, they're wobbly. For the second, paying almost $10 for a CANDLE, even if it's covered in cheap glitter, just make it preciously stupid of you.
4. People with no sense at all: Instead of arguing with me why you want something that you're already admitting won't work, why not take what I offer? (This is in reference to the idiot who wanted red warning flags to set his wet potted flowers on. I actually had to convince him that I had sheets of plastic--for FREE--that would work better. And then, I had to give him a visually aided lesson on how to use the plastic sheet. Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick!)
5. Spiders. Wasps. Dead wasps that crunch underfoot. Spiders crawling on me.
6. It's easier to read if you're actually LOOKING AT THE thing you're supposed to be reading. It's not your eyesight, toots, it's YOU.
7. People who use the phrase "Hey, no biggie" for any reason at all. Who talks like that? Who writes letters to people they don't know using that? Who?
8. The guy who comes in again tonight and asks if we sell hay. He comes in once a week and asks, buys a few bales (I do NOT want to know what he does with it), and then comes back next week and asks again. He always seems so confused about it all. I always have to practically draw him a map to where he's going to go to pick up the straw.
9. The guy who drags a 20lb cement retaining wall block up to the register and asks, "What is this bump here for?" And even after I show him, he still needs to be convinced that it's the best way to use the blocks. Seriously, there are people who should not be allowed to buy some things.
This guy, however, is better than the fucknut who comes in every 6 weeks and bitches that the blocks aren't all the same color. He says his wall "looks stupid". He also seems to think that WE make the stuff, and have been changing the tan coloring on him--just to ruin his wall for him. They also seem to think that they should be able to pay April's prices in August. I wonder if he goes through McDonald's drive thru and tells them off because he bought a Happy Meal for $2.99 a few months ago. Him and his badly bleached blonde wife, in her 1982 striped body suit are probably the reason I spent 20 minutes there earlier today.
10. People who not only cannot follow simple directions, but who also insist, without going there (away from me) and seeing for themselves that I'm actually RIGHT, that it's not there. It's there fucktard, you're just too stupid to own it, so we hid it until you leave.
Email Hell
Not really, but it's a catchy title.
This was sent to me by my oldest friend. I miss seeing you more, Debbles! I'm posting it because I am pathetically without friends--even email friends. We'll pretend that I am the most popular chicklet on the 'net, though.
1. What time did you get up this morning? 8:15am
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Spiderman I (I don't get out much)
4. What is your favorite TV show? To watch, or to hear? The Howler hasn't approved me for both yet
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? A pot of sugar with coffee
6. Favorite cuisine? Cuisine? Is that like snails or something?
7. What is your middle name(s) W. (me & George, baby)
8. What food do you dislike? Anything slimy, overcooked, undercooked, gristly, fatty, too chewy, too crunchy, too salty, or that Kevin really likes.
9. What is your favorite CD at the moment? All of them
10. What kind of car do you drive? Olds Silhouette. It has cable.
11. Favorite sandwich? Yes.
12. What characteristic do you despise? Stupidity, Lying, Stealing. Don't even get me started.
13. Favorite item of clothing? my flannel jammies
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would it be? Walt Disney World
15. What color is your bathroom? Purple
16. Favorite brand of clothing? They still have brands? No, really.
17. Where would you retire to? Sanity
18. What was your most recent memorable birthday? 3 years ago. Projectile vomiting, screwed up work schedule, snotty managers. Best ever--nothing exploded
19. Favorite sport to watch? Do I have to?
20. Furthest place you are sending this? Mars. Mars needs women
21. How many do you think will send this back? Didn't I cover this in the first paragraph?
22. Who will have the craziest answers? mumple HAH! I laughed out loud at this! Thanks Deb!
23. Favorite saying? Back the fuck up!
24. When is your birthday? Every dammed year
25. Are you a morning person or a night person? early evening
26. What is your shoe size? depends. How far up there is it going?
27. Pets? 1 fat, 1 stupid cat
28. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? If you think crazy people asking me stupidassed questions is exciting, sure
29. What did you want to be when you were little? Taller
30. How are you today? tired, pissy
31. What is your favorite candy? Smarties. Even though they don't work
32. What is your favorite flower? Black Eyed Susans, no matter what you call them
33. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? today
34. What church do you attend? Our Lady of the Blessed Whack Job
35. What is your full name? Mumple
36. What are you listening to right now? My sweetie talk baby talk to Large Marge
37. What was the last thing you ate? MnM cookie dough ice cream. Or maybe a bug
38. Do you wish on stars? Lindsay Lohan, especially
39. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Fire Engine Red
40. How is the weather right now? It was a dark and stormy night...
41. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? Chris at the hotel we're staying at in November
43. Favorite soft drink? Coke. Tastes great and cleans chrome. Who could ask for more?
44. Favorite restaurant? Olive Lobster or Red Garden
45. Hair color? Clairol Nice & Easy 108
46. Favorite day of the year? Every day I wake up sucking air
47. What was your favorite toy as a child? Didn't have toys, I had to play with myself
48. Summer or winter? Summer. Bugs are God's way of saying "Hey, you've got too much blood!"
49. Hugs or kisses? See #23 above
50. Chocolate or Vanilla? What?
51. Do you want your friends to email you back? Sure. all of them, all the time. It's all about me, baby
52. When was the last time you cried? Howler's first day of school
53. What is under your bed? Old boyfriend
54. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Myself
55. What did you do last night? Wink wink, tickle Kevin
56. Favorite smell? Soap. Don't even get me started
57. What are you afraid of? Trans fat
58. Plain, buttered, or salted Popcorn? Yes
60. How many keys on your key ring? 465746841948786587 and man! is it heavy. It's a bitch to put in my pocket, too
61. How many years at your current job? 7 years, 1 month, 28 days, not sure on hours and minutes
62. Favorite day of the week? See #46 above
63. How many towns have you lived in? 3 (I told you I don't get out much)
64. Do you make friends easily? Didn't I already cover this? Are you obsessed or what?
65. How many people will you be sending this to? See opening paragraph.
This was sent to me by my oldest friend. I miss seeing you more, Debbles! I'm posting it because I am pathetically without friends--even email friends. We'll pretend that I am the most popular chicklet on the 'net, though.
1. What time did you get up this morning? 8:15am
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Spiderman I (I don't get out much)
4. What is your favorite TV show? To watch, or to hear? The Howler hasn't approved me for both yet
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? A pot of sugar with coffee
6. Favorite cuisine? Cuisine? Is that like snails or something?
7. What is your middle name(s) W. (me & George, baby)
8. What food do you dislike? Anything slimy, overcooked, undercooked, gristly, fatty, too chewy, too crunchy, too salty, or that Kevin really likes.
9. What is your favorite CD at the moment? All of them
10. What kind of car do you drive? Olds Silhouette. It has cable.
11. Favorite sandwich? Yes.
12. What characteristic do you despise? Stupidity, Lying, Stealing. Don't even get me started.
13. Favorite item of clothing? my flannel jammies
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would it be? Walt Disney World
15. What color is your bathroom? Purple
16. Favorite brand of clothing? They still have brands? No, really.
17. Where would you retire to? Sanity
18. What was your most recent memorable birthday? 3 years ago. Projectile vomiting, screwed up work schedule, snotty managers. Best ever--nothing exploded
19. Favorite sport to watch? Do I have to?
20. Furthest place you are sending this? Mars. Mars needs women
21. How many do you think will send this back? Didn't I cover this in the first paragraph?
22. Who will have the craziest answers? mumple HAH! I laughed out loud at this! Thanks Deb!
23. Favorite saying? Back the fuck up!
24. When is your birthday? Every dammed year
25. Are you a morning person or a night person? early evening
26. What is your shoe size? depends. How far up there is it going?
27. Pets? 1 fat, 1 stupid cat
28. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? If you think crazy people asking me stupidassed questions is exciting, sure
29. What did you want to be when you were little? Taller
30. How are you today? tired, pissy
31. What is your favorite candy? Smarties. Even though they don't work
32. What is your favorite flower? Black Eyed Susans, no matter what you call them
33. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? today
34. What church do you attend? Our Lady of the Blessed Whack Job
35. What is your full name? Mumple
36. What are you listening to right now? My sweetie talk baby talk to Large Marge
37. What was the last thing you ate? MnM cookie dough ice cream. Or maybe a bug
38. Do you wish on stars? Lindsay Lohan, especially
39. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Fire Engine Red
40. How is the weather right now? It was a dark and stormy night...
41. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? Chris at the hotel we're staying at in November
43. Favorite soft drink? Coke. Tastes great and cleans chrome. Who could ask for more?
44. Favorite restaurant? Olive Lobster or Red Garden
45. Hair color? Clairol Nice & Easy 108
46. Favorite day of the year? Every day I wake up sucking air
47. What was your favorite toy as a child? Didn't have toys, I had to play with myself
48. Summer or winter? Summer. Bugs are God's way of saying "Hey, you've got too much blood!"
49. Hugs or kisses? See #23 above
50. Chocolate or Vanilla? What?
51. Do you want your friends to email you back? Sure. all of them, all the time. It's all about me, baby
52. When was the last time you cried? Howler's first day of school
53. What is under your bed? Old boyfriend
54. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Myself
55. What did you do last night? Wink wink, tickle Kevin
56. Favorite smell? Soap. Don't even get me started
57. What are you afraid of? Trans fat
58. Plain, buttered, or salted Popcorn? Yes
60. How many keys on your key ring? 465746841948786587 and man! is it heavy. It's a bitch to put in my pocket, too
61. How many years at your current job? 7 years, 1 month, 28 days, not sure on hours and minutes
62. Favorite day of the week? See #46 above
63. How many towns have you lived in? 3 (I told you I don't get out much)
64. Do you make friends easily? Didn't I already cover this? Are you obsessed or what?
65. How many people will you be sending this to? See opening paragraph.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
I Can't Believe I'm Doing This...
But, here. Here already. Enough. Do not spread this around, as it's Top Secret and could blow my cover.
You know who you are.
From my brother's wedding, in '01. The Howler, at this time, was a grainy image on an ultrasound machine. (Later that night, though, I felt her move for the first time.)Check out the gray hair.
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