BRAKE!

Oh, Sweet Jesus. I almost had my arms ripped off this morning.

I was minding my own business at the Return desk, managing to not put off the "die die die" vibe.

This woman came in, tried to unplug the entire Seasonal department while getting onto one of the motorized carts (those're starting to be a theme, aren't they? Worse than the hanging baskets of yore) She gave up trying to wrench the orange cord out of the wall, and decided to do it the easy way--she'd just drive off on the thing, and it would unplug on its own.

I manage to get her attention, and tell her that I'll make sure she's unplugged. Problem was, she was already unplugged. BUT she had her overly large purple sweatpanted ass on the cord for the cart next to her.

Without a word, she waited until I was behind the cart she was on, and then tried to speed off.

I say tried, because, well, my body weight works as a brake when the cord your fat ass is sitting on is also wrapped around my arm.

I holler for her to stop. She does. I say, "Ma'am, the cord for the other cart is wrapped around this cart. Please give me one minute..." and she tries to speed off again.

She stops again. I explain that she's SITTING on the plug (the fact that she can't feel it justifies my call her a huge-ass moron now.) I ask her to lean forward so I can remove the plug. She shifts her shoulders. WOW. Big help there, toots. Thanks.

She tries to speed off again, and again, I'm yanked around. Hell, at this point, I'm lucky I'm only being jerked around behind the dammed cart--if I were in front of it, she'd be searching for a manager to ask why there are speed bumps in the entryway.

I finally manage to apply enough pressure on the cord for the plug to pop out from under her enormous ass.

She speeds off, this time for reals. I can only assume no one else was harmed in the making of this post.