Tab A

It's been over a month...and I'm just now deciding that yes, I do have a blog and I do need to actually write something on it.

I've been busy, if busy means my pain levels are up, and my head feels like it's been stuffed with rags every day.

The Howler is growing up. On her birthday, this became VERY evident. The following week, she lost another tooth. This is just flat-out wrong. 10 year olds are not supposed to be doing that...and if you're doing that, you shouldn't also have holes in your head where the extra parts are falling out.

I look like I'm dealing with it really well, and "oh, how lucky she is to have a mom like me" (not batshit crazy, dumping my issues with her growing up onto her) but it's hard. When it happened, I wanted to jump up and down in a Yosemite Sam tantrum and curse and swear and just say no. I didn't, because she cried when it happened, and I couldn't make it about me. And we knew it was going to happen, I had just been hoping I would have a few more months.

But you get what you pay for in this instance, and dammit! We didn't pay nothing. So.

What happened next has been interesting. And no matter what the experts say about answering the questions they're asking, regardless of your impressions of how young they are when they ask...I just couldn't fully answer the question she asked later that week.

Yes, she asked me specifically, "how do you make a baby?" I simply could not explain to her that "tab A goes into slot B." I just couldn't. I don't remember the exact wording I used; I did answer the question, I just didn't get as specific as maybe I should have. So sue me.

Her next question was even better:  "Isn't it gross?"

I'm a terrible mother, because I laughed. I couldn't help it.

The conversation got worse, if you can imagine. She asked if it took two or three times of having "a sex" before you could make a baby...and she asked about the "Life, A Beautiful Choice" signs she's seen in yards and on billboards.

Kill me now. I got to try and explain abortion to a 4th grader. Yowza!

Finally, she moved in for the kill (as if the preceding conversation wasn't hard enough!)

She grinned maniacally, and said, "Do you remember that morning a few years ago, when I woke up really early and came over to your room?"

I am so screwed.