I've read (and re-read) MommyK's blog about Pregnancy & Violence.
I have no personal history with violent relationships (came close a few times--close enough to make me wonder what it is about me that kept these jerks from actually hitting me), and the one time I truly felt stalked was back in college, in the late 80's. Unfortunately, that asshole had done this enough times that the mutual friends we had thought nothing of it--and advised me to "just let him have his way" so he'd leave me alone. (No, those *friendships* didn't last long, especially after my sister offered to beat the living hell out of him AND all those mutual *friends*--thank you, so much, sis, for that. I didn't fully understand then, but I do now.)
Anyway, here's why I'm thinking on this.
I work with a young girl--a girl who could be, literally, my daughter. She graduated with the Toad. The Toad has told me some things about her--what she was like, and when I put that together with the stories I've heard at work from some of the guys who worked with her mother at one point, I honestly don't think this girl has anyone who cares for her, just for her. (Even the worst things I've said about the Toad don't even come close to what this woman said about her daughter.)
Whatever else the girl is, she doesn't deserve to have HER MOTHER saying these things about her. And I worry that she deserves better, but that she doesn't even KNOW that there is better out there.
The girl is pregnant, and I wonder, even for the way she talks about her BF, if he doesn't treat her shabbily. I wonder if he may push or slap at her. She has questions about what's happening with her body, but doesn't have anyone she can ask.
One night in December, after the store closed at 9pm, we were leaving--it was already after 9:30pm, and her mother was coming from a town about 15-20 minutes drive to pick her up. She called her mom to see how soon she'd be there--her mother hadn't even started the car to warm it up yet! Now, this is on a night when the temps her freezing and the windchill factor (the store sits on a very windy hill!) were very much well-below freezing.
My heart breaks for her--because, in all honesty, I was barely out of my teens when I was unmarried and pregnant with the Toad.
What can I do to make a difference? Our jobs do not allow for more than "hi" and "bye" really. How do I talk to this young woman about these things--without seeming preachy and know-it-all?
It's not always a clear-cut case of stepping in or giving out a number. It's not always as simple as dialing 911, or *being there*--sometimes, it's gut feeling and a hope that you can make contact and get through.
2 comments:
First of all, thanks for linking to me.
And secondly, screw the rules. No one needs to know if you take her aside for a few words. Because what's at stake is so much more important. I'm not sure what else to tell you other than that, but even her just knowing she has someone she can talk to if she needs to is a step in the right direction
Just a simple, "how are you doing?" followed by a "if you ever need anything..." type of comment. What a rough situation. It pains me that there are so many kids in this situation.
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