Finding Jesus

Yet again today, I got Jesus-ified.

For some reason, people I do not know (and in all honesty, have no desire to know) hand me Jesus tracts--the more I smile, the happier I am at work, the more likely it is that I will be given God's love in a convenient 4 paragraph package.

Today's message was about how kittens and puppies and babies love to be hugged. And God loves me! After being informed that said Jesus-ifiers were ducks, due to the rain, and after I declined the very polite offer to buy his umbrella for $40. (The most amazing part? I was INSIDE--not out in the rain, when the umbrella offer came.)

I do not understand the whole Jesus tract gig: are you obligated to hand them out only people who seem happy? When I am miserable, when there are flames shooting out orafice, when Satan himself is plaguing my every breath, these people and their messages of hugging kittens is nowhere to be found. When I could actually use these things, I don't get them. Is there a secret decoder ring necessary for figuring out the hows and whys of these things?

I remember once getting handed one in the ladies room while at work, too. I don't get how that was supposed to be helpful.

And now that I mention that...I recall the guy, 2 years ago, who gave me the one telling me I was going to Hell. I was happy and smiling that day, too.

Oh, I get it now. Never mind.