Last night, the Toad was being particularly annoying. Okay, he's been particularly annoying all week, but last night, I had an opportunity...
The Howler had left the room, and we were discussing her Amazon.com search faux-pas...for the record, if you type in "blow ups" on their toy page, you get listings (thank God, not pictures) of blow ups. Dolls. For sex. And unless you want to be the one to explain that to my 8 year old, don't let her go there again. (and for the record, her father was the one in charge at the time, not me. I know better.)
Anyway, the Toad announced that he can help police her web searches in the future.
I had to ask, "Do you really think, Mr. $700+ in PPV Porn, that YOU are qualified to oversee and censor what she might find?"
His response? "I paid you back...and I am apparently still paying!"
The conversation turned at some point, to My Sweetie's upcoming birthday in January. The Toad, being a math genius, hadn't yet figured out the bestest part of his parents' birthdays.
Being the deviant I am, I take the opportunity to inform him...but My Sweetie, ever mortified by my skeeving out the Toad in this manner, reminds me that the Howler is still within earshot.
I decide that the most fun will be had by drawing a carefully planned picture for the Toad, and watching as the knowledge permeates his thick skull.
I told him to consider the number 9. Just 9. Then, I asked him when My Sweetie's birthday is. (January 6) Now, remember the number 9. And what takes 9 months? His eyebrow went up. The fear in his eyes grew. My Sweetie sat still, watching for the train to smack the boy in the raised eyebrow. I asked him when my birthday was. (October 3)
The Toad began screaming as the full knowledge (and mental image) hit him. My parents, apparently, were celebrating My Sweetie's coming into the world, whether they knew it or not.
Oh, yes, I am evil.
1 comment:
It's a lovely kind of evil.
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