Language Lessons

For the record, I do not speak Idiot. I hear it--I am surrounded by it--but mostly, I do not understand, nor do I speak it.

And everything seems to happen in that last 10 minutes before you're supposed to punch out and walk away.

That being said, at the very end of my work shift, seconds before my coverage got there, a man walks up to me and says, "How do I get that salt outside?"

Which, of course, is absolutely understandable to every thinking person on the planet.

I sez: What salt? Where? What outside?

He waves vaguely behind him: That salt. How do I get it outside?

Slowly coming off my senses: Well, go to any register, tell them how many bags of salt you need, and they'll get it rung up and call someone to help you load it.

Blinking, like a cow staring at a passing train: I want all of it. Out there.

Now I'm blinking, trying to not say something that will cost me my job: OK. I'll call someone and they'll help you get what you need.

I call the department, and am informed that there is more salt, of the same type, in aisle 22. How many bags does he need?

So, I ask the guy. He says: About that many. Again with the vague gestures toward the entry doors.

I'm in the car, headed for the wall...I ask the next natural question: How many bags are there?

I dunno. That many. Again with the gestures. I try rephrasing the question, and got more of the "that many" answer.

*sigh* I notice the clock...two minutes. TWO minutes, people. No way am I getting suckered into staying here for this. I've had enough grief and pain in the final 10 minutes of my shift in the last 7 days...no way, no how, am I staying for this. Customer Service at its finest be dayumed! Besides, my coverage is here.

I tell Department Dude he needs to come up to help the customer. I tell the Dopey Dude that the Department Dude will be right up. I look at my coverage and say, "I am OUTTA HERE!"

And I punch out and leave. Is it just me (no, really!) or are people actually getting dumber?