I'm a big fan of being adult, making choices, and knowing your own limits.
A biological clock ticking, or loving babies (or loving being pregnant) is not reason enough to have babies.
Babies, and the children they become, are a HUGE responsibility and ignoring that when deciding to have one (or many) more children is not only immature and irresponsible, it's stupidity at it's worst.
There are families that can have several children and still give everyone involved what they need. BUT there are many more people who have children because the world we live in looks down on childless couples, because their parents want to be grandparents, or because all their friends are doing it, or because "I love being pregnant" or worse, who feel that the sum total of their existence is to continue to have children. I don't begrudge them their personal choices, but I do find people whose sole purpose in life is to have children rather boring, and I am anxiously awaiting the fallout when their bodies can no longer comply. What do they do then?
While I will honestly tell anyone who asks that neither of my children were planned, and the Howler, especially, was a shocker on the scale of a natural disaster, I can say that I have sense enough to know when I have enough--enough work, enough stress, enough.
That being said, Kevin and I paid quite a chunk of change (almost two years after the Howler's birth) to NOT have the stress and concern each and every month of whether or not I am pregnant.
It was a decision made carefully, discussed often, and made when it was clear that we did, indeed, have ENOUGH. When the monthly question arose, and it was clear that it was not something we enjoyed asking, and when we were flooded with relief that, yet again, we were not "caught," it was easy to ignore the loud ticking I could hear in the background.
It's quickly getting old to be asked every time someone asks how old the Howler is, or every time someone else announces their pregnancy, to hear that we need another baby. Sure the ol' biological clock ticks, and yes, I do sometimes feel that I want another baby (or to be pregnant), BUT I have sense enough to know when I have enough. And simply having a biological urge isn't reason enough to go ahead and do something as life-altering as having another child.
I know I sound like a smart ass when I'm asked and my response comes out like this:
"We paid a lot of money to not have that worry."
"Dr. X will be owing me if that happens (and for the record, after paying for snippage, we did not gamble on whether or not it took--we have the papers to prove that Kevin is definitely shooting blanks.)"
"Why don't YOU have one and we'll call it even."
I don't believe that any one of those asking me when (not if, mind you, WHEN) we're having another baby would allow ME to infringe on their life choices.
I don't have to list our reasons to every person who asks--especially considering that most aren't people I divulge my innermost thoughts to anyway.
What gives with this? What makes everyone think that THEY have the right to know that? Aside from all the usual politeness and "what-ifs" that can be enumerated, what makes people think that they have a right to know the personal story regarding my reproductive choices?
My responses to the above questions will get progressively more rude--not so much as an "eye for an eye", but more because my frustration level at feeling I'm required to provide demographics and financial statements to back up a decision that my husband and I deliberately and conscientiously made needs to be justified. Considering that it's not a decision that effects anyone outside my immediate family, I can't wrap my head around the balls these people have in expecting anything less than a smart assed answer.
*sigh* It's nobody's damned business.
A biological clock ticking, or loving babies (or loving being pregnant) is not reason enough to have babies.
Babies, and the children they become, are a HUGE responsibility and ignoring that when deciding to have one (or many) more children is not only immature and irresponsible, it's stupidity at it's worst.
There are families that can have several children and still give everyone involved what they need. BUT there are many more people who have children because the world we live in looks down on childless couples, because their parents want to be grandparents, or because all their friends are doing it, or because "I love being pregnant" or worse, who feel that the sum total of their existence is to continue to have children. I don't begrudge them their personal choices, but I do find people whose sole purpose in life is to have children rather boring, and I am anxiously awaiting the fallout when their bodies can no longer comply. What do they do then?
While I will honestly tell anyone who asks that neither of my children were planned, and the Howler, especially, was a shocker on the scale of a natural disaster, I can say that I have sense enough to know when I have enough--enough work, enough stress, enough.
That being said, Kevin and I paid quite a chunk of change (almost two years after the Howler's birth) to NOT have the stress and concern each and every month of whether or not I am pregnant.
It was a decision made carefully, discussed often, and made when it was clear that we did, indeed, have ENOUGH. When the monthly question arose, and it was clear that it was not something we enjoyed asking, and when we were flooded with relief that, yet again, we were not "caught," it was easy to ignore the loud ticking I could hear in the background.
It's quickly getting old to be asked every time someone asks how old the Howler is, or every time someone else announces their pregnancy, to hear that we need another baby. Sure the ol' biological clock ticks, and yes, I do sometimes feel that I want another baby (or to be pregnant), BUT I have sense enough to know when I have enough. And simply having a biological urge isn't reason enough to go ahead and do something as life-altering as having another child.
I know I sound like a smart ass when I'm asked and my response comes out like this:
"We paid a lot of money to not have that worry."
"Dr. X will be owing me if that happens (and for the record, after paying for snippage, we did not gamble on whether or not it took--we have the papers to prove that Kevin is definitely shooting blanks.)"
"Why don't YOU have one and we'll call it even."
I don't believe that any one of those asking me when (not if, mind you, WHEN) we're having another baby would allow ME to infringe on their life choices.
I don't have to list our reasons to every person who asks--especially considering that most aren't people I divulge my innermost thoughts to anyway.
What gives with this? What makes everyone think that THEY have the right to know that? Aside from all the usual politeness and "what-ifs" that can be enumerated, what makes people think that they have a right to know the personal story regarding my reproductive choices?
My responses to the above questions will get progressively more rude--not so much as an "eye for an eye", but more because my frustration level at feeling I'm required to provide demographics and financial statements to back up a decision that my husband and I deliberately and conscientiously made needs to be justified. Considering that it's not a decision that effects anyone outside my immediate family, I can't wrap my head around the balls these people have in expecting anything less than a smart assed answer.
*sigh* It's nobody's damned business.
2 comments:
I concur! I was actually just considering blogging about this exact topic.
Since I'm in the prime of my "childbearing years" and I'm apparently not allowed to have a fat day without someone starting a rumour, not allowed to miss church without someone deciding I must have a "little secret" or, in the case of Jordan announce my own pregnancy in a cleverly planned way without a neice or nephew saying to me, "my mom says you are morning sick and that's why you haven't been around much."
I bought a 5 truck instead of my old 7 passenger van...I got questions like, "well, only you can decide how large your family will be..." What, the, crap? The size of car I buy is an announcement about our family planning?
I have food poisoning & I get "knowing glances" at my stomach & breasts to see if they are growing. People ask about my future plans and they cluck their tongues if I mention grad school & not 3 or 4 more babies.
My SIL just went home for the weekend (she has an IUD) and if she made any comment about someone's baby being cute, or how her baby (16 months old) is growing up, she was asked, "Are you announceing something?"
People please...get a freaking hobby & leave the rest of us alone.
Or would you really rather like to know about my sex life, my fertile days, and what position we are using to try (or try not) to conceive?
I always wish I had to nerve when people asked that question to burst into tears, say, "We're TRYING!" and then run out of the room. I think because so many people define themselves by their children, those who don't are an enigma. My children are the center of my life and I can't imagine not having them, but if I didn't have them, would I be a sad, pitiful person with a pointless life?
I too have stopped trying to be polite. You can always fall back on, "I'll forgive you for asking that question if you'll forgive me for not answering."
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