Neighbors in the Mumple Zone

My immediate next-door neighbors are strange.

They have windows open all year round (we live in western PA, for God's sake!) and they run FANS on-and-off throughout the winter, too.

They clog their kitchen drain with grease. Then can't figure out why it's clogged.

Their smell comes through the connecting-basement door (did I mention it's a duplex?) We have to duct tape the door to keep the stench down. And yes, it's worse than Ass Caverns, the Toad's room.

They're jarred the ballast in the downstairs light fixtures so often, that they've been replaced at least once a year since they've moved in. They don't know how to change lightbulbs.

Their toddler son stands in the windows, during summer, scratching at the screens. We think he's trying to escape.

They keep weird hours. Like all night long hours.

Currently, it sounds like they are clog dancing on the walls.

Most of this wouldn't be too much of an issue (the last tenants had sex in the living room every day for the first 8 months they lived there--I know this, because my basement is partway under their house and we could HEAR them, sometimes, through the walls, too.) except that, well, they are LARGE people. Supersized people.

Okay, there's no way 'round it. They're fat.

And when I hear the clog dancing begin, I get worried...if they are clog dancing on the walls, there's a pretty good chance they're coming through the walls at some point. And the reek with them.

Oh, and if I go over and knock on their door? There's a really good chance someone is answering that door without a shirt on. And it's not necessarily HIM. Bwah.