Full Circle?

I'm telling this story backwards, but it makes more sense that way.

A few weeks ago, on a busy Friday, I end up in tears at work. The stress of the Toad's grad status (or lack thereof), the fact that his bloodwork is *off* and no one can quite tell me what it might mean, the crappy milestone year this is, and the state of limbo I am in at work all culminated in getting snapped at by someone who, for all intents and purposes has no right, and no reason to snap at me. I end up with tears streaming down my face, and my break is no where in sight.

One customer actually said she'd say a prayer for me--I was that sorry looking.

But that's not the point to this.

One of the customers looked familiar, but through the bleary teary eyes, I couldn't place her. She made jokes quietly while I scanned everything, and I even laughed a little. As she handed me her credit card, before I caught the name, she said, "Don't let the bastards get to you."

Which helped.

Then I saw the name. She was instrumental in my broken engagement several years ago. I currently work with the friend of hers she set up on a date with my then-fiance. She is his sister-in-law.

It's been several years now, and while I have worked through the hurt and anger, I have to admit I was bitter about it for not-a-few-years. Even after meeting and marrying Kevin, the scars still prickle every now-and-again, especially when I see either the ex's brother or SIL.

Last year, at some point, the woman I work with was mentioned to me in the break room by a friend of hers. I briefly stated "my problem" with her, but also mentioned that in hindsight, it was a huge favor, and for all the hurt I went through, it probably would have been worse for me if she hadn't done what she did, etc. Her friend said, "You know, instead of being so mad still, you should thank her."

I realized at that moment, he was right.

I have no real intention of telling HER so. But, I believe HE mentioned it to her, because she's treating me differently--slightly better, and even though I know we still don't like each other, it's nicer to be around her when it has to happen.

Anyway, the woman at my register made a difference that day. Even though I was the one who broke the engagement (he was fine continuing as things were currently, which meant my part was to let him date as he saw fit, and he could lie to me as much as he liked) and I knew it was the right thing, I had a helluva time getting over it.

You see, I had bought into the Fairy Tale. I was in my early 30's, a single Mom, and *should have* found myself a nice man to take care of me, blah blah blah.

Somewhere along the line, knowing how wrong that is for me, I bought it anyway.

Even at the time I was falling to pieces (literally, in front of your eyes), I knew that my problem wasn't that I was that in love with him, but the star I had hitched my little red wagon to was a lie. A complete, total, and absolute lie.

It wasn't fun picking it apart, but I am a better and stronger person for it.

It is a big part of what makes me appreciate what Kevin and I have, and makes me work hard to keep it. It is precious, and it isn't based on lies, and it's not about any body's expectations except his and mine.

But I digress, yet again.

While I have no intention of actually telling the woman I work with "Thank You" 8 years after the fact, and I don't see me ever wanting to be, or being, friendly with the ex's brother and SIL, I do appreciate that when someone I don't like and don't respect and who did a small, mean thing to hurt me, stepped up, and at a moment when I was miserable and vulnerable, made me laugh, and made me feel not quite so stupid and sorry.

I don't know if the two things cancel each other out, or balance the Karmic scales for her, but I know that the scars don't prickle quite so much anymore.

And I'm grateful for that, too.